Post by vppappy on Aug 11, 2011 10:25:47 GMT -5
I looked at my "Classic Dave Barry" page-a-day calendar this morning and saw this:
Take this scientific quiz to determine if you are a compulsive gambler:
1. Do large men sometimes break your thumbs?
2. Have you ever lunged across a table to strangle a seventy-three-year-old grandmother simply because she said, quote, "Bingo"?
3.Have you ever, after gambling away your money and pawning your possessions, said, "Hey, why do I need TWO kidneys?"
4. Have you ever attempted to place a bet on the chariot race in Ben Hur?
5. If so, did you bet against Charlton Heston, your reasoning being that, hey, one of these times he has to lose?
_________________
I'm reminded of a column I wrote for Midwest Casino Guide years ago parodying the AA questionaire on "Are You an Alcoholic:
VP Pappy’s Poker Players’ Anonymous (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous)
Take this 20 question test to see if you have a poker problem:
1. Have you ever lost time from work because of poker?
2. Has poker ever made your home life unhappy?
3. Has poker affected your reputation?
4. Have you ever felt remorse after playing poker?
5. Have you ever played poker to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties?
6. Has poker caused a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?
7. After losing, have you felt you must return as soon as possible and win back your
losses?
8. After a win, have you had a strong urge to return and win more?
9. Have you often played poker until your last dollar is gone?
10. Have you ever borrowed to finance your poker game?
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance your poker game?
12. Have you been reluctant to use “poker money” for normal expenditures?
13. Has poker made you careless of the welfare of you or your family?
14. Have you ever played poker longer than you planned?
15. Have you ever played poker to escape worry or trouble?
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance poker?
17. Has poker caused you to have difficulty sleeping?
18. Have arguments, disappointments, or frustrations created an urge to play poker?
19. Have you ever had an urge to celebrate any good fortune with a few hours of playing
poker?
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction because of poker?
If you answered yes to these questions…CONGRATULATIONS! You are normal, just like the rest of us crazed poker nuts.
Terrence “VP Pappy” Murphy
“He’s a poker player who’s always helping the less skilled players. They watch him play and feel better about their own game.” –VP Pappy
“Never raise a hand to your children; slow-play the little bastards!” –VP Pappy
